Like most kids in America, I grew up on the programming that is made available through the mass media. Like most who grew up in the 80s, before the real boom of cable and then the Internet, by today’s standards I was relatively inexperienced about what was out there, and what the possibilities of cinema really are. The only thing slightly unusual about my viewing habits at the time was that I obsessively watched PBS. Other than that, I watched Transformers, I sneaked movies like Friday the 13th in the middle of the night. Movies were a form of entertainment. Nothing less, nothing more. I thought that the only way to tell a story was from the beginning to the end.
Then I saw Jacob’s Ladder. Looking back, the only thing I remember is a first inkling of a sensation I had never before experienced: gnawing, existential terror. Despite it’s somewhat lurid imagery, unlike most horror movies Jacob’s Ladder is horrifying not because of what it shows, like with Hellraiser, not even because of what it doesn’t show, as with Hitchcock’s Psycho, but because you really don’t know how solid the ground is beneath you. The horror is truly psychological. This, before I’d ever encountered hallucinogens, before I explored the occult or read James Joyce. This was my first contact with that kind of uncertainty.
At the time, I didn’t know why it made me feel so uneasy. Not really. At the time, it seemed like a fairly straightforward, weird movie about a troubled Vietnam Vet who was uncovering some kind of government conspiracy. I wasn’t aware of the fact that this “story” was just the feverish delusions in a dying man’s mind.
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Great description of the movie. I too had a very similar relationship with it growing up. I recorded the music on the credits and listened to it many times while nodding off to sleep. One thing that struck me as curious was my reaction to the ending which was always very serene and peaceful while most folks thought it dark. Seemed like a happy ending to me.
Comment by Randy — put June 26, 2007 @ 11:58 am
We the scaattered child, are of a different bread when it comes to these matters and others….. Kindred souls with a big fucking hole!
Comment by Rocky — put July 13, 2009 @ 4:11 am